The Camping Trip from Hell part 2

Shot after shot of vodka goes down. Snow flake after snow flake filters down through the branches. The trees barely shelter the wind that’s blowing through our campsite. Someone breaks open a bottle of Jack. Vega is putting it away like no ones business. Slovakia is getting hazy. She’s completely sloshed. Her boyfriend, Ron, and his friend break out the “peanut butter”, i.e. the weed. We gather in a circle, Slovakia hits the bowl, and I breathe in, hoping to get a slight contact high. I look pleadingly over my shoulder at Ducky, but he shakes his head. He forbids me to use the substance, but that makes me want it even more.

Peanut butter guy brought his iPod and portable speakers. I DJed for a little while, played Placebo, and Led Zeppelin in a tandem. The fire dancing starts. We jumped and leaped and yelled around the blazing fire, fending off the cold. Slovakia and I proclaimed ardent love for each other, wrapped in one another’s arms.

"You know you shook me. You shook me all night long.
You shook me so hard baby. Baby, baby, please come home.

I have a bird that whistles and I have birds that sing.
I have a baby, won't do nothing ...oh, buy a diamond ring.

I said you shook me, baby. You shook me all night long.
You shook me so hard, baby. You shook me all night long."

Then we doubled over and exclaimed how bad we had to pee. Vega, Slovak, and I walked into the woods and picked a good spot for a pee, laughing hysterically all the while. I held onto a tree for dear life, squatting perilously, and yelling over to Vega in Japanese.

Not long after, Slovak was slumped over on a log, alternately puking and passing out. Three of the guys carried her body, while I carried her head. The three guys and Slovak were in one tent, and they all crawled in and went to bed. Ducky and I battened down the hatches because the wind was howling by now. The three of us crawled in to our tent, and fell asleep- only to wake up 3 hours later practically frozen. I had to pee really badly, but was so cold that I didn’t think it possible. Ducky offered to go and get the fire started, and I waited. He called to me, so I crept out and got as close as I dared to the fire. Still drunk, I stumbled to the far side of the clearing, grasping anything I could get my hands on for balance. I crawled back on hands and knees to the fire, my world spinning, and hands full of dirt and leaves. Vega joined us, and we waited for dawn.

As light started to break we got some ramen noodles and water. The funny thing was, as I poured the water from the jug it literally froze as it leapt into the metal pan. I tried to mix the shards of ice into the noodles, and thought to myself…”Yep… that pretty much explains why I thought I was going to fucking die of hypothermia last night”.